I wish Valentines Day weren't tomorrow.

Valentine's Day is one day away but instead of looking forward to it, I am wishing it were many more blocks away on the calendar so that Beto and I might have more of a hope of enjoying it.

Things have not been going smoothly for us. Work is not coming in and I am realizing that it is hard to adjust from living on my own in a sweet, peaceful, modern apartment to living with two men in a rough neighborhood. The house is dirty even though I've just cleaned it and the sound of tanks, gun blasts and cries comes up from the T.V. downstairs.

I am being offered more "free work" than I am interested in. I don't want to work for free any longer. I don't need to build my portfolio with anymore free work. I have invested far too much money into equipment and programs to give my services away for free.

I am tired of winter and grey skies. I am tired of riding the El to work with angry, downtrodden, pushy, mean people. I am tired of seeing trash all over the ground on my way to work.

I am thankful for our great group of friends, and the fact that we have each other. I am thankful specifically for how real, fun, forgiving, interesting, unique and kind the people I have gotten to know in our group are. I am thankful that I have a work situation that allows me to pursue photography and a boss that is understanding and really does care when I am not feeling well or having a bad day and can't make it in. Most of all I am thankful for having found a person as special, sensitive and intelligent and kind as Beto to spend my life with.

I love Beto very much and hope the best for us.